May 14, 2005
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Still keeping track of dreams. I made the mistake of eating chocolate late last night, which induced nightmares. Chocolate always does that to me. The dream was incredibly vivid...
It involved a spaceship, a man-eating plant, light sabers, Tom from work and his friend John, but the worst part involved Leigh. She was fucking this guy, and of course i had to see some of it. Afterwards, she promised she would never cheat on me again, and that it didn't mean anything, and all i could think was: "Technically, we aren't even together." It brought up all that shit from the past, but that's not why it bothered me. What really bothered me is that it made me realize something. If this doesn't work, which it doesn't look like it will, she will find someone else. And when she does, it's going to hurt. A lot. It would be fine if I knew we weren't compatible, but with distance (and money) being the only obstacle, it really fucking sucks. I don't regret anything, but I wonder why.
I feel so alone.
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