Sizzle the robot

Atonement

touching something that isn’t there

breaking the surface to feel nothing

the desire to touch someone you cannot reach

to tell someone everything, unknowing.

I’m back

Your beauty walks beside me, even in my dreams…

How could I have ever dreamed,
Of what beauty was true,
Until I traveled around the world,
And my inspired eyes found you?

Your golden hair fell softly,
And your ocean eyes breathed deeply,
As your seductive smile whispered,
An alluring song so sweetly.

You strengthened my lost courage,
And I allayed my restrictions,
Gave you my open heart,
Passion and conviction.

You changed your entire life around,
Moved across the world so we,
Could finally be together,
With no ocean in between.

Then following me up a mountain,
You placed all your faith in me,
And if there was one way,
To tell you how much that means:
You are the sun, the stars, the sky,
You are my everything.

I would climb the tallest bridge,
Just to catch a glimpse of you,
Or dive from my departing plane,
To get back down to earth with you.

I would walk ten thousand miles,
And I would walk ten thousand more,
Over every desert and mountain peak,
Across every beach and ocean shore;
Know that I would do anything,
I love you forever more.

- broken optimist

What constitutes failure?  Does it mean you failed by someone else’s standards or does it mean you failed yourself?  Is failure always bad?

Failure

I failed last week. 
I didn’t make it into the school I wanted to go to. 
I didn’t even get an interview. 
It’s the first instance I can think of when I truly felt that I didn’t succeed or at least “pass”. 
I flat out got rejected. 
Maybe it’s the rejection that bothers me. 
I don’t really ever get rejected,
probably because I have never pursued anything that I didn’t think I could get.
And I really thought I would get this. 
Maybe it’s because I had doubts.
Maybe it’s because they didn’t like me.
Or maybe it was meant to happen this way.
Either way, I’m glad I don’t have to be perfect.
I’m glad that I don’t have to burden myself with trying to live up to expectations.
I hate expectations.
It only leads to failure.

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” – Tyler Durden

I find this to be very true for me.  I feel restrained and constrained when I fret over insignificant material posessions.  (Yes I am alluding to Aenima)  I have to remind myself that it will all go away, and it won’t mean anything when I die.  The only things that matter is the impact I’ve made on the world and the people in it.  My aussie reminds me of this.  I need to remind myself of this. 

Losing everything.  I don’t think you can truly lose everything until you’ve lost your life, or your will to live.  But even then, there is still hope, and you are left with something.  What that something is, is different for everyone.  Heaven?  God(s)?  Faith?  I’m not quite sure what it is for me.  It’s probably the faith I have that there is something more.  I’m just trying to make sense out of all of the overwhelming variables and possibilities.  I need to somehow confront that, so that I can make progress with me. 

I will evolve…

My life changed forever,
One year to this very day…

I needed to tell you,
Knowing that you could not stay,
Knowing that there would be ‘what could have beens’,
Not knowing what I would say.

We were walking side by side,
And time was slowing down.
You were all I could see,
Your voice, the only sound.

My heart pounded so hard,
I could no longer keep it in.
I took a leap of faith,
And told you everything.

There was something that I felt,
Don’t ask me how, but I knew,
My life would change forever,
The night I first kissed you.

- broken_optimist

More Than This

For a second of your life,
Tell me that it’s true, 
waiting for a sign,
It’s all I want of you. 
Your heart hides a secret,
“A promise of what is” 
Or something more than this…

Just a second of your time
Any one will do
The taste of any other
Is all I want from you
Offer me the world,
And how can I resist
Something more than this…

Make-believe in magic,
Make-believe in dreams,
Make-believe in possible,
Nothing as it seems,
To see, touch, taste, smell, hear,
But never know if it’s real…

For a second of your life,
Tell me if it’s true,
Anywhere beyond,
Is all I want of you.
On your lips lies a secret,
“The promise of a kiss”
…Or something more than this?

Just a second of your time,
Any one will do,
To know of any other,
Is all I want from you.
Giving me the world,
Know I can’t resist,
Something more than this…

Make-believe in magic,
Make-believe in dreams,
Make-believe in possible,
Nothing as it seems,
And never really understand,
What anything means…

Another second of my life,
not knowing if it’s true,
Make-believe in nothing,
It’s all I want of you.
Whisper me the secret,
Whisper me “There is,
Always something other,
Something more than this…”


- The Cure

Denial, Guilt, and Fear.