I don’t know how this is going to work. 
I don’t know if it can work. 
I need to try.

Fuck

sensation

situation

consideration

frustration

concentration

meditation

Leigh’s 21st birthday present:

New Zealand

There once were three girls,
Who needed relaxation,
So they left the land of OZ,
To go on vacation.

There was Melissa, the ice queen,
Who was sarcastic and witty.
Vickie, a thuper danther,
Who had a gay little kitty.
And Leigh, a silly blonde aussie
Who was sweet, smart, and pretty.

They arrived in Auckland, New Zealand,
To meet the Contiki Tour,
Which left the dodgey city,
On the date of April 4.

First stop was the Bay of Islands,
Where they swam with Dolphins,
And met their 32nd favorite Contiker,
A yankee named —–. 

That night Fil gave Vick a drink,
because she wanted to try something new.
She said that she only “burped”,
But there was definitely follow through.

They headed back to Auckland,
Where they added to the group,
Then south to the caves of Waitomo,
To see the worms glow blue.

It wasn’t until day 4,
That they explored Rotorua,
A lovely little town,
But it smelled like a sewer.

hey met the Maoris for Hangi,
And after dinner was a shocker.
The girls laughed hysterically,
While the men did the Haka.

They wandered back to town,
Marching at least 6 furlongs,
And had a few drinks,
Before dancing all night long.

A helicopter flight in Taupo,
Frightened Leigh just a smidge.
But Vick and Mel felt confident,
And decided to bungee off a bridge.

Leigh stared in horror,
As they were not to be rushed.
The aussies refused to jump,
So they had to be pushed.

On the way to Wellington,
They passed Mt. Ngauruhoe,
Also known as Mt. Doom,
Where Frodo turned psycho.

That night was a nice dinner,
Coupled with conversation.
They danthed and they danthed,
Without reservations.

They rode quad bikes,
And left the following day,
Taking the ferry south,
Out of the bay.

Even though in Leigh’s bag,
There was something that was struggling,
Ferry security didn’t find,
The pigs that she was smuggling.

Christchurch was their last stop,
Plus it was a very special date.
April eleventh was Vick’s,
Twentieth birthday.

Over dinner a certain someone,
Had a few too many drinks,
And said some things (in front of Leigh),
That made —– turn bright pink.

It was so sad when the girls
Had to finally go,
But they will never be forgotten
By a guy in San Diego.

The silly, blonde aussie girl is sorely being missed,
But at least there will always be that one hopeful kiss.


- broken_optimist

Sunday was the March of the Pigs.  Nine Inch Nails played at Coachella, and blew everyone away. 

The white noise of Beside You in Time filtered through the speakers as Trent walked on to the stage.  He was wearing a white button down shirt, looking very professional, , which he never played.  He opened with his dark instrumental, The Frail, followed by the angry track that follows on The Fragile, The Wretched.  Because he didn’t open like he did on his last tour with Terrible Lie the crowd was more controlled to begin with.  That quickly changed after With Teeth.  The heart pumping progressive synthesizer riff from March of the Pigs started up.  It seemed like i was the only one who recognized it because the drums that normally accompany the synth were purposely delayed.  I was ready for the chaos that ensued.  I had started about 25 people back from the stage, at the beginning of the concert, but was quickly moved up to 10 people from the stage with all of the jumping, pushing, and adrenaline rushing of the crowd.  During the song he apparently tore off his white shirt, but i didn’t see it because of the bodies thrashing in front of me, behind me and on top of me.  The end result was his standard black tank top.  I didn’t miss a second of his music, because I was in it the whole time. 

For some stupid reason, they had decided to schedule a band after Nine Inch Nails, so Trent had a time restraint.  He didn’t waste a second of it.  Head thrashing, bone crushing rhythms and melodies filled the air.  For a guy about to turn 40, he isn’t showing any signs of slowing down.  With every song he forced the lyrics on you.  I don’t know how you could not want to watch him.  The anger, the energy, the passion.  Burn, Wish, Piggy, Closer, Hurt, Terrible Lie, The Hand that Feeds, Head Like a Hole…  need i go on.  The live versions of these songs give them a whole new meaning.  Because i saw him live in 1995 and in 2000, and i have listened to the live album And All That Could Have Been so many times, i could anticipate what renditions of each song he was going to play.  I could tell who didn’t really know what they were getting into.  They were the ones screaming out lyrics incorrectly.  They were the short people who weren’t prepared for the pigs.  They were the ones who think that Nine Inch Nails only have 2 good songs: I wanna fuck you like an animal, and Head Like a Hole.  I think most of them learned their lesson.  Would you pay good money to jump around while being pressed against a mass of sweaty, nasty people?  I would, if Trent Reznor was there…

Here is an interview with Trent:

http://www.azcentral.com/ent/music/articles/0416reznor.html

I survived the Nine Inch Nails pigs, 

but i don’t think i can survive the real marching pigs much longer.

TRENT LIVES

One Kiss

I imagine a life in a world I’ve never been,
To avoid the pain I conceal.
Am I half awake or am I half asleep
I cannot tell, it’s all surreal.
Crystal blue eyes mirror in my mind,
Once more I know that I can feel.

The sadness overwhelms the rhythm of my heart,
Pouring through the new torn hole.
Unshead tears flood the short-lived dream
Drowning my faithful soul.

To alleviate this cruel intention,
The heavens slice another vain.
One kiss, I will remember her forever,
Reflected in the tears of rain.

- broken optimist

right where it belongs

see the animal in his cage that you built.
are you sure what side you’re on.
better not look him too closely in the eye.
are you sure what side of the glass you are on.
see the safety of the life you have built,
Everything where it belongs.

feel the hollowness inside of your heart
and it’s all, right where it belongs.

what if everything around you,
isn’t quite as it seems.
what if all the world you think you know,
is an elaborate dream.
and if you look at your reflection,
is it all you want it to be?

what if you could look right through the cracks
would you find yourself,
find yourself afraid to see?

what if all the world’s inside of your head,
just creations of your own,
your devils and your gods,
all the living and the dead,
and you’re really all alone.

you can live in this illusion.

you can choose to believe.

you keep looking, but you can’t find the words.

are you hiding in the trees…

what if everything around you,
isn’t quite as it seems.
what if all the world you used to know,
is an elaborate dream.

and if you look at your reflection
is it all you want it to be?
what if you could look right through the cracks,
would you find yourself, find yourself afraid to see?

-  Trent Reznor (aka Nine Inch Nails)

New Zealand Day 2 continued….

So on the cruise at the Bay of Islands, we got to go to the island known as the Hole in the Rock which is called that for a good reason.

There is also the famous light house on the hill next to it…

We continued on to one particular island where we docked.  There were some great views there.  I got some pretty good photos from that island…

Cool Water Sand Crunching Satisfied

On the hill

The Hill

Here’s a gull that followed the ship from the island, half way back to the mainland, but ditched us to fly to a small island.

Dive Right In

To be continued…

New Zealand Day 1 continuing to continue…

The Aussie trio: Leigh, Vickie, and Melissa.  They are three of the sweetest, funniest, and most fun people to hang out with.  The chemistry between them is perfect.  Melissa is known as the ice maiden because of her cruel jokes and insults.  Vickie plays off of her and bounces the sarcasm right back at her, while Leigh tends to be the balance between both of them.  If one is pushing to hard one way, she backs up the other side.  But she certainly can hold her own when they both turn on her.  For some reason, I fit in well with them, and we had countless hours of both serious conversation and ridiculous fun.  Although most of the serious conversation was with only one of them…  That was a good night.

New Zealand Day 2…

During the night, I got a decent amount of sleep.  I got up late and had breakfast with Yelena and Niki, a sweet but kind of jittery Brit.  Afterwards, I went for a walk with Yelena, the New Yorker, and Jarron, a very charismatic guy originally from L.A. and now living in Sacramento. 

The walk was nice along the bay.  It was even sunny, but then the clouds moved in and it started raining.  Yelena made the mistake of jinxing us by saying:

“It’s not raining that badly.”

We had to take cover pretty quickly because of the buckets of rain that were being dumped on us.  That’s the thing about NZ, the weather is completely unpredictable.  (Luckily, it was really nice most of the time I was there).  Around noon I headed over to the pier to eat lunch before going on a 3 hour cruise through the Bay of Islands.  Niki was the only other one from Contiki to go on the tour, and we had a laid back afternoon with beautiful views.  The average age of the other sea-goers was about 65.  Here’s a picture I took to prove it.  With the tilt lens on my camera, it may appear that I’m just looking at photos on my LCD screen, but in reality, I’m taking pictures of people who are completely unaware that they are being photographed…  I find that to be far effective than telling people to smile at the camera. 

More tomorrow…  With much livelier pics…

Last night I spoke to her again.  It was unexpected.  It’s clear now that she’s not going to wait for me, nor can I for her with us in completely different worlds.  We knew that was going to be the reality of it all, but we just didn’t want to face it.  I can’t quite put it all into words yet. 

It’s overwhelming. 

It’s too much…